Saturday, January 10, 2009
Take the first move. I'll follow. And you'll know me.
I could tell everything. I could choose to. I've been tempted to do so. But I won't Because there is such a lot to lose. I'll lose my ability to hold my head up high. I could not hide my disappointment because the person/people I've told will know. And because I'll be the only one to share, it seems like it's something that I could not deal with. As long as nothing's official, there's nothing you can get from me. I want to deal with personal things like this myself because it's nothing to be proud of. It's really been a long while and I don't know why it's still here when nothing's happening. I may have put in some meaning into the most simple things that were nothing more than simple gestures that really mean nothing at all. But if everything was mutual, that's when a person will really get to see me. That's why I'm waiting for this person to do just what it takes for me to melt because I miss sharing stuff that I can't tell even the most trusted people I know.
It's just that he's not come to his senses and found his way to me. I think so. Or else he'll be here and I could tell him everything. Or maybe he's still lost and still does not know where to go. Or maybe he's not coming at all. Maybe. I dunno.
That's why I'm hoping all of these will stop so I can get back to just being me without all the complications. Like right now, I'm thinking tons of stuff just because of the conversation I've had with some of the best people in my life right now. And so I'm thinking those two really great dreams I've had the past two days isn't going to be continued tonight. I think so. I just think so. Don't get me wrong. The conversation was great because I got to learn more about myself from their point of view. It's just that I'm still having trouble showing this certain part.
Oh well. I just can't have everything. And yeah, I'm fine with what I have and who I am right now. There's just this piece that I can't really unlock. And that's where I need help with.
If only I could really tell you. If only I could. But there's really a lot that's going to change. And I wouldn't want that. If only he would start things, I'll follow. But I'm thinking that isn't going to happen. Better not keep my hopes up. Better that way. Image from ACH
shared her thoughts at 11:29 pm
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Two weeks ago, I said it's over. Two weeks ago, I felt happy because I knew I wasn't pining for anything anymore. I said it's done and there's nothing more I can do. As a friend told me, I was pretty much "in love". Maybe. It's about all those kilig things and all those stuff that bring back all those butterflies in your stomach. Believe me. I've felt like I'm in high school all over again. Sheesh. That was two weeks ago.
And so I thought it was over and I was glad with that because it is a one-way street. I could not possibly expect anything from you. I'm sure you can read what I'm trying to convey but please. With all the mixed signals I'm sending, you just may get crazy. But then now, I start missing you. Just out of the blue. I start thinking of you and I now ask myself if this is now "love". You know. When there's not much of the kilig things happening. But you're still there. Whatever. But still. I just hate it. I wouldn't like to end the year and start a new one like this. Really. It's been over a year and I'm still like this. Sheesh.
But yeah. Maybe this feeling's just for today. Tomorrow, it's gonna be back to what I realized two weeks ago. That I'm done. For this has just gotta stop.P.S. I'm NOT in a relationship whatsoever right now. So don't start thinking that I do.
Image from Active Rain
shared her thoughts at 12:15 am
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
It's Christmas time once again and here's your Christmas greeting from Peachy
and Sky Galias...
shared her thoughts at 02:20 am
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Alone Time. Not Lonely Time.
A common misconception indeed. Alone time does not necessarily equate to lonely time. It's just that we're all social beings and a person going solo is usually something that people think is a lonely life. And if you're single, there are a lot of fun things that single people can do that those with partners can't (without getting a tap on your conscience). atomicgirl
shared her thoughts at 06:53 pm
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Could you do my Christmas shopping for me instead?
It's the holidays again and it's quite stressful for me. Well, see, I don't go out of the house that often now compared to when I had a regular job. So with that, I don't really get to experience gradually the added number of shoppers in the malls, the worsening traffic jams, and all those discounted items. Well, who would not pass for a really good deal, right?
Image from Raconteur
Anyway, since I only go out in the evening for just a couple of hours and just hang out with friends, I don't actually know the situation downtown. It's like I've been cocooned somewhere and I am just going to be emerging in a really busy part of town with all the Christmas shoppers. Hey, it's really not those shoppers' faults nor Christmas' fault. It's mine. I'm not pointing fingers at anybody. So there.
I was planning on doing the shopping Saturday but felt like the malls were too crowded. Instead, everybody here went out shopping except for me. Then today, I would've gone out but I thought of all those families going to the mall after church and I just also didn't want to deal with that. I really just hate going to crowded places. And I hate long lines when paying for just a couple of things. I am impatient like that and I guess I have long lost the trait of the long lines and the really crowded places of Manila. The life in the province is suiting me well. Really well.
Anyway, so I'm thinking. At this rate I'm going, I'd probably be done with all my Christmas shopping after Christmas. Hehe.
The 'Christmas dinner' party with former colleagues was simple but really fun. It even extended to three days. :p Thanks Julian for accomodating us despite all the mess we leave behind after.
shared her thoughts at 06:41 pm